DID YOU JUST CALL ME FAT!?

My coach Lisa came over last night. She brought that wicked measuring tape with her too... and I thought she was such nice people. Damn.

Anywho, we take my measurements and after 8 weeks of Bootcamp, I have lost 34.5 inches all over my body! You know that's almost 3 feet, RIGHT?? I have a long ways to go still, but the results feel amazing. I took some new pics - and I am so weirded out by the woman I am becoming! Who the hell is THAT!?

There is so much more I want to talk about - the great times my kids and I had playing with my extra skin. I know that sounds really gross, but growing up we NEVER discussed weight. It makes me feel good to know that it's not a taboo subject... talk about fat all you want: fat, fat, fat. Jiggle jiggle.

I don't know how I truly compare to people anymore. When we're out in public and I see a larger person, I always have to ask: "bigger or smaller?" I am astonished when I am told that I am smaller.

Another plus - I can no longer shop at my fat girl stores. Nope. I am too small for Catherines AND Avenue. There is one size left for me at Lane Bryant. Dress Barn is good still, but I have issues with a fat girl shopping in a place with Barn in the name - MOO. I think they just called me fat.

Someone recommended Fashion Bug. I think I will have to check them out. I love all this money I am saving from not having to shop at a big girl store - as we speak, I am sitting in a $9 halter dress from Walmart... size 14. Oh yea, life is good.

Ok all, I am going to go to bed - I need to get in my early morning workouts again - and just use the evenings for extras. I have 4 days left until Bootcamp - I should be able to get in 6 workouts. I am flirting with another decade mark (and less than 100 pounds to lose!) so I want to push past this wall as much as I can to see that new decade.

LOVING LIFE! Oh, and here are some of the new pics! (my room isn't usually this messy - my son had just come in to wreck the joint and leave his toys all over, the little... JOY)

6/24/10 Weigh-in

So... another 2 pounds! Which is ok. I didn't work out very hard, missed a lot of cardio and focused mostly on my core and arms... trying to get those muscles to get more "with it." Food intake was good, if a little low - also, I drank A LOT of beer on Saturday, so I can't feel too bad about losing only 2 pounds. So, I now have 104 pounds to lose! The amazing thing is the confidence and energy I have.
I just want to scream from the rooftops: I AM NOT SPECIAL, MY RESULTS ARE TYPICAL! YOU CAN DO THIS TOO!

I have so many people in my life that have small amounts to lose, and they are do discouraged. It makes me sad that they think that I have anything within me that they don't. If anything, they are STRONGER for not letting themselves get as large as I did.
I've started researching plastic surgery, and I am discouraged. Granted, I am younger and (according to other surgeons I've consulted), I have GREAT skin... but so many of the "after" pics look so much WORSE than the "before." Is that what I have to settle for? I am not trying to be a super model, but I'd at least like to be more comfortable naked. My skin isn't lumpy, just empty and sagging. Maybe that helps. I also saw on several sites that the more fit you are, the more the surgeon has to work with and therefore, the better the results. Maybe those patients in the pictures weren't necessarily FIT. Sure, they had lost massive amounts of weight from Gastric Bypass, but my understanding of that surgery is that because the weight comes off so quickly and so easily, most people don't jump on with the exercise - which is why so many gain at least part of their weight back.
Doing this the old fashioned way - and I'm not saying it's better - gives me the drive and the TIME to make the lifestyle changes necessary. I know myself well enough that I never would have started working out if my weight came off easily.
So, although I am discouraged about the plastic surgery realities, I am trying to remember that is THEIR story, not mine... and I will do everything in my power to make sure I get the best results possible. Damnit.

Lived To Tell The Tale...

So, I think I have finally beat out that garbage virus that was holding me back. I've worked out every day (not as much, but I am building again), water is UP, food is on program. So many people have commented this week on how great I look. They aren't specifically speaking about my body - at my weight and with my extra skin, I'm not what you would call a sexy beast - but my eyes. They are clearer, happier... my spirits are sky high, my moods are stable (mostly) and I feel great. Better yet, I LOOK like I feel great.
There are a few people in my life who have yet to mention any changes - in over 50 pounds - but I'm not really tripping. I think they are mostly those who don't know how to bring it up, without feeling like they are calling me a fatty... so, I just remind myself inside that I am doing very, very well.
I am on the cusp of 2 big milestones - 1. My 30th birthday (7/7) and 2. Having less than 100 pounds to lose.
I'm so excited I think I just may pee. My arms are looking so great, but I am having issues with the extra skin - it just looks so gross and it really hides the guns, ya know? I really want to go have another consultation with the plastic surgeon, but on the other hand I don't want to hear that removing all this extra skin is going to cost me $30K.
Too bad Oprah's retiring, I was really counting on her to bankroll this operation! Ok all, I am off to the gym - I'll be back tomorrow to report my weigh in! *eep*
Oh! This weekend was Pride, check out the fun times - to see all 90 photos, ya gotta find me on Facebook.... it's taking too danged long to upload here.

6/17/10 Weigh-in

It's that time again... not too shabby, all things considered, I still did relatively well... I thinkthe biggest thing is that I don't cheat on my food. I did drink a little, which is HORRIBLE, but as long as you can live with the drinking reflected in your scale... meh.
So, I have a loss of 2 pounds. Not too shabby! I now have 106 until goal, and only 26 more until I've lost 200 pounds! I am just thrilled to have less than 100 pounds to lose... just 6 more pounds and I am there... in the "home stretch."
I'm doing double Bootcamps, starting this week. I'm going Thursdays and Sundays now, and I think I really like it. Ultimately, I would like to go to Bootcamp everyday, and have that count as my work-outs. If I committ to daily Bootcamp, I don't have to stress off of not making it to the gym. I am all about simplifying this process as much as possible. I am no where near ready for Daily Bootcamp, though my body is not as sore as it usually is the morning after Bootcamp, which can only mean I am getting stronger.
I also have 5 free sessions with a Personal Trainer. I think it's time to give her a call and activate those lessons, which used to scare the shit out of me. Here's to courage, here's to progress. Loving life.

Born Again

So, somewhere long the road, I lost myself. True, I've had some health issues, ended up in the hospital... but this is deeper, scarier.
Some emotional blockage is coming up for me. Issues that have a lot to do with my family, specifically my mother. I am sure you all will get to read all about it, but for now - suffice it to say that my life has had it's share of trauma, and I always thought I was so strong for moving past it all - now I realize that I stuffed it WAY down, and it's all coming up to greet me.... damnit.
I've been stabbed, kidnapped, abused, beaten by significant others, homeless... that's just what comes to mind right off the top of my head. And people wonder why I am so screwed up in my head!? No wonder I felt like I needed to surround myself in a protective layer of cellulite. And what's worse... I hid it all with humor and a shrug.
So, I get to deal with it now. And I get to deal with it the hard way... with feelings, tears, bitter anger... and hopefully love and forgiveness.
I've been battling "exhaustion." Truth is, I think I've been battling my feelings. Since I can't eat them anymore, I guess my body tried to sleep through it. Funny, I could never understand why people just slept when there was perfectly good cheesecake to be had. Guess I've still got a lot to learn.
Tomorrow is weigh-in day. Truthfully, I haven't worked out very much this week. I think I've only hit maybe... 4 or so days this week. It will be interesting to see what the scale has to show me. I think I'm ok with taking the scenic route through this journey.... seems to me that it makes for better memories.

Weigh-in day

I normally try not to post twice in one day - it's obnoxious... nothing I say is THAT important... but I have been lax in blogging, so I still need to report this week's loss: 4 pounds! Which makes my total lost 171 with 109 to go. Yea baby.

Fatty vs. Skinny

I have come to the conclusion that I have Multiple Personality Disorder. I figure I have 2 sides to me... Fatty, and Skinny. They argue all the time and I am sure it would be very entertaining - if I weren't caught in the middle!
On Exercise:
Fatty Says: "You deserve to sleep in another hour. Hit the snooze and blow off the gym."
Skinny Says: "You know how good you feel after an early morning workout, coffee is ready... get up and let's go!"
Fatty Says: "You had such a hard day at work, you're stressed, the kids need time with you... you're tired. Just sit down and chill."
Skinny Says: "Stress melts away during a workout, your mind clears. Sure you need time with the kids. Bedtime is 8PM, go afterwards! If you just sit on the couch you won't really be playing with them anyways."
Fatty Says: "You've worked out three times this week, Bootcamp is on Sunday... Save yourself for that, you're sore anyways."
Skinny Says: "Exercise makes the soreness go away! Oh, and by the way... Bootcamp is a zillion times harder if you slack off during the week, you know this. And, doctors say that exercise 3x a week is necessary only to MAINTAIN! Are you willing to maintain this weight?"
Fatty Says: "You'll get all sweaty."
Skinny Says: "Sweaty girls are HHHHHHOOOOOTTTTTT!!!"

On Eating:
Fatty Says: "You're human! It's a party! Just have some cake, it's only polite for Pete's Sake!"
Skinny Says: "You already know what that cake tastes like. You've eaten plenty in your life. Is that worth the extra work and stress you're going to put yourself under?"
Fatty Says: "Oh please, just have a glass (or 4) of wine! It feels good, you will relax and socialize better."
Skinny Says: "Sure, ONE FOUR OUNCE glass is fine, we can work together to work it off tomorrow. It's an entire bottle that we've got to watch out for, all kinds of inhibitions melt away - especially those about food."
Fatty Says: "You forgot your lunch! Run through the drive thru!"
Skinny Says: "Yea, drive thru, but do it with a plan of what you're going to get ahead of time... or better yet, there is a supermarket 1 block away! Think of all that fresh produce. It's cheaper and you'll feel better. Besides, sitting in your car and having food passed to you is a little disgusting."
Fatty Says: "You're too tired to cook! Order pizza and a salad on the side."
Skinny Says: "Too fattening, too caloric, too greasy, too expensive. Bad idea all around. A quick healthy dinner takes you 20-30 minutes... or ask someone else to please cook!"
Fatty Says: "You only need 64 ounces of water, so you're good with only one water bottle."
Skinny Says: "You work out, you need more. Plus, you know that the amount of water you should drink is your weight divided by 2! Water flushes all that fat you're burning right out of your system... get to sipping!"

See how confusing this all is!?