Thursday, June 3, 2010

Fatty vs. Skinny

I have come to the conclusion that I have Multiple Personality Disorder. I figure I have 2 sides to me... Fatty, and Skinny. They argue all the time and I am sure it would be very entertaining - if I weren't caught in the middle!
On Exercise:
Fatty Says: "You deserve to sleep in another hour. Hit the snooze and blow off the gym."
Skinny Says: "You know how good you feel after an early morning workout, coffee is ready... get up and let's go!"
Fatty Says: "You had such a hard day at work, you're stressed, the kids need time with you... you're tired. Just sit down and chill."
Skinny Says: "Stress melts away during a workout, your mind clears. Sure you need time with the kids. Bedtime is 8PM, go afterwards! If you just sit on the couch you won't really be playing with them anyways."
Fatty Says: "You've worked out three times this week, Bootcamp is on Sunday... Save yourself for that, you're sore anyways."
Skinny Says: "Exercise makes the soreness go away! Oh, and by the way... Bootcamp is a zillion times harder if you slack off during the week, you know this. And, doctors say that exercise 3x a week is necessary only to MAINTAIN! Are you willing to maintain this weight?"
Fatty Says: "You'll get all sweaty."
Skinny Says: "Sweaty girls are HHHHHHOOOOOTTTTTT!!!"

On Eating:
Fatty Says: "You're human! It's a party! Just have some cake, it's only polite for Pete's Sake!"
Skinny Says: "You already know what that cake tastes like. You've eaten plenty in your life. Is that worth the extra work and stress you're going to put yourself under?"
Fatty Says: "Oh please, just have a glass (or 4) of wine! It feels good, you will relax and socialize better."
Skinny Says: "Sure, ONE FOUR OUNCE glass is fine, we can work together to work it off tomorrow. It's an entire bottle that we've got to watch out for, all kinds of inhibitions melt away - especially those about food."
Fatty Says: "You forgot your lunch! Run through the drive thru!"
Skinny Says: "Yea, drive thru, but do it with a plan of what you're going to get ahead of time... or better yet, there is a supermarket 1 block away! Think of all that fresh produce. It's cheaper and you'll feel better. Besides, sitting in your car and having food passed to you is a little disgusting."
Fatty Says: "You're too tired to cook! Order pizza and a salad on the side."
Skinny Says: "Too fattening, too caloric, too greasy, too expensive. Bad idea all around. A quick healthy dinner takes you 20-30 minutes... or ask someone else to please cook!"
Fatty Says: "You only need 64 ounces of water, so you're good with only one water bottle."
Skinny Says: "You work out, you need more. Plus, you know that the amount of water you should drink is your weight divided by 2! Water flushes all that fat you're burning right out of your system... get to sipping!"

See how confusing this all is!?

No comments:

Post a Comment